It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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