youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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