It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
