I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
