I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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