i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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