I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
