i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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