yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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