He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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