the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
