Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
