I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
