she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
