I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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