some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
