i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
