you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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