No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
