if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
its liver damage thursday
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