I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
