Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize