Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
