I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
