Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
