Plan B is the new Plan A
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
