Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
