I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
