My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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