I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize