just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
