My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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