Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize