Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
