i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
