i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
