i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
