$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
