At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
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just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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