apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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