the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
