i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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