why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
