Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
