Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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