Little spoons don't ask big questions
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
