It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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