Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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