Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
