i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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