Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
