your parents love me but you hate me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
