just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
