dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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