Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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