I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
