Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
