You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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