so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
