I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
