Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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