And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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